Life Stinks

Mel Brooks was in a movie a long time ago called Life Stinks, in which he finds out what life is really like for most people. I sometimes feel like my life has been one continual disappointment. It is realy disappointing that I have never amounted to anything. In my idealistic youth, I thought I would be someone important, I would do something important. I have found though that everystep of my life has been one big devaluation. I just feel lost and hopeless about the world we live in. It seems like I have just spent most of my life at the point of tears, with no real sense of hope. Life Stinks sometimes, and wounds can be deep.

What to do, what to do

I never really felt like the SAN administration job was the right thing to do. But now I am faced with two opposing problems. Do I work towards becoming a web developer, or stay in the techie field as a Web Analyst. I guess that either would work ok, but the Web Analyst at least comes with some finacial rewards. However the Web Analyst also comes with on call responsabilities. That sucks, how do you know what to do, I guess you looks at the doors that have blatantly come open to you, and you walk through them. That would be my best guess.

What to do

Do you ever sit back and wonder if you are doing what you are supposed to be. It never ceases to supprise me how much of a failure I can be, at the things that are truely important. Sometimes I just want to know that what I am doing has meaning. Sometimes it feels like so much of what I am doing is meaningless. What is the point of all of the world we live in. It just seems meaningless, meaningless, meaningless. I wish I could know at every point along the way that I am doing what is right, and good in the eyes of God.

this is a test

this is a post made from Johnson county

Stay focus

I've got to stay focused, I've got to....

Nothing certain

Well, I basically have two websites completed. I have the velvet stitch and i have wood world. Sometimes I don't know what I am doing, it seems like I spend all kinds of time on the computer in the evenings, and neglect the things that are important. I guess if I want to get into web development, I should keep after it. But is that my own desire? Nothing seems certain anymore.

Next weeks episode:

Have you ever had somebody make promises to you. It really sucks when someone has the oppourtunity to fullfill those promises and doesn't. Actually they end up just shitting on you. Pardon my french. I am super disapointed in the lack of overall trust that I have placed in some people, who then turn around and just leave me in the dust. I guess the wounds of a friend of a friend are faithful, but the kisses of an enemy are decietful.

weekly blues

I have been so stressed out lately; it seems like possible nuisance keeps repeating itself in my life. I get really sick of all the crap we have to put up with in this world. I just really want to be able to lie on a beach with white sandy shores. And every couple of days have the mail man deliver parcels from friends around the world. Maybe I should sell everything I own, and purchase a sail boat, and become a world trader. Might not be a bad idea, I am just tired of the daily rigmarole that seems so monotonous. Like a drip, drip, dripping of water on the forehead, but it never seems to escape. We never seem to get away from the constant mortality of life.

Blue grass

Sometimes it is easy to forget how stable and good you have things. Sure there are more exciting things in the world that I could be doing, more lucrative as well. But that doesn't account for the stability that I have in my life. It is so easy to long for the greener grass on the other side of the fence, that you forget it is really blue grass. Which turns its tail at the first sign of drought. It looks beautiful and plush when it is well watered, but it doesn't have the stablity I need in my life.

Dust in the Wind

Sometimes it is difficult to find direction in life. It seems like time is wasting away, and that we are not really doing the things that we can, the things that we should. I guess I feel like a stanger here, but I guess that is a good thing.

Things that don't mean much

It has been a while since I have posted on my Blogger site. I have been way to busy and havent spent enough time reflecting. I have been working on some webdesign for some people. I am actually getting pretty good at it. It allows me an oppoutunity for my creative juices to flow. However, it seems like I spend way to much of my life in front of a computer. I even journal in front of a computer. How sick is that. I guess that most of life is rushing by, I just want to forget about all of the problems that I create for myself and start enjoying life. I have two kids and a beautiful wife, who I neglect more than I should. I just want to start living again, and forget about all the things that steal my time. Things that don't mean much.

Latin the Language of Scholars

"Asinus asinum fricat"
Man this website is a wealth of humor and wit. I would highly recomend it to anyone who has either too much time on thier hands, or not enough to do. You could spend hours learning tidbits of useful latin to impress your friends with. Most of all you can have the pleasure of speaking a language that was once, and still considered the language of scholars.

I am really not just super egotistical, trying to litter my blog with flaunted pictorials of myself. I needed to post this picture somewhere, in order to reference it for the header on my blog. Hopefully soon it will disapear into archival haven, and never really be dug up again.

City Lights

Did you ever feel like you weren't doing what you were supposed to be. I wonder sometimes if I have missed the boat, and the last call has been given. I find myself struggling with wanting to advance in my career, and having started so late; and conversely shrugging the trappings of a career driven lifestyle. I contemplated today, what would life be like, if I simply walked away from the rat race, and became a farmer. Certainly life wouldn't be easier, but is Agrarianism true? Are we devoid of our un-familiar roots, and have we lost the way. What do I want to do with my life. That is a question I still cannot answer? 

beatniks

I am contemplating trying to publish a book of poems. I would like to try to publish a short story, but unfortunately I only have enough creative energy to write poems. They seem to be relatively and easy to write, but are great in potency. I hope to self publish the work, and actually make something worth reading. Probably in digital format. Hopefully people will buy it, and maybe, just maybe, I will be able to make enough money to publish it in hard back. That would be pretty cool anyway. Who knows, I don't know to many people who read poetry anymore, but maybe, just maybe there is a coffee house out there with thousands of beatniks who are just dying for some good readings.
snap, snap, snap

tempus volat hora fugit

"time speeds while the hour escapes" what profound words, which echo in the halls of men. Time is slipping through the hands of man, even as he desperately tries to reach for meaning. How can we possibly find ourselves at the hands of merciless men, and yet hold on to hope. It is beyond me that we should each live such desperate lives bereft of happiness, and behooved by complacency.

Evil Super Villan or CEO

Why does it seem to be that every evil super villan is a former CEO of thier own company. Seems strangely ironic that the personality that comic book writers would chose is a person that most of us would aspire to be. A man who has reached the pinacle of success, who has scratched and climbed his way to the top of the food chain. Additionally they are usually brilliant men, who posses power and intelect far beyond that of thier peers. Just seems strange, but not strange; it is the epitimy of sin. The more powerful the more intellectual, the more self reliant we are the more dangerous of a threat we are to ourselves. The more likely we are to rely upon ourselves, and not rely upon God. The more likely we are to become a super villan

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new stuff

this is really pretty interesting stuff.

Satisfied

It seems strange that we spend our whole lives searching for meaning. It is one thing to eat food and be satisfied, but it is an entirely different thing to eat, and never be satisfied. That no matter how many times we drink the same waters, our thirst is not quenched. It can only mean that there was a food which we were meant to have, and water we were meant to drink that we have not yet tasted. None of the things of earth seem to satisfy, and none of the things that we have looked for have come our way. It would seem that all things are but a shadow. Lacking sustenance, and ultimately lacking the nourishment our souls long for. It is a simple thing to live a life, with simple pleasures, but it is not what we were made for. It seems as though we spend all of our days trying to find fulfillment in this life, but it was not meant to sustain us.  

Nostalgic Moments

Nostalgic Moments are the ones that make life worth living. Walking around the familiar campus of a college, with beautiful aged buildings. Looking over the banister watching your wife and children's faces beam with the excitement of Christmas anticipation. Sitting in a Chapel, after being out in the cold, with your checks frozen, huddled up with your best friend (wife, just in case anybody is wondering) enjoying the quiet solitude, that most have missed.